I'm a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It's true: I have a master's degree in creative writing, I've published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.

— Ali Liebegott

Lots of people hate gay people. You can tell who they are because they start sentences with, "It's not like I hate gay people.

— Ali Liebegott