As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

— Calvin Trillin

Because a superior fried-chicken restaurant is often the institutional extension of a single chicken-obsessed woman, I realize that, like a good secondhand bookstore or a bad South American dictatorship, it is not easily passed down intact.

— Calvin Trillin

Canadians are very well-behaved, they don't throw their food.

— Calvin Trillin

Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread?

— Calvin Trillin

Health food makes me sick.

— Calvin Trillin

If law school is so hard to get through how come there are so many lawyers?

— Calvin Trillin

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

— Calvin Trillin

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

— Calvin Trillin

In the rather informal survey I have taken over the years on intensity of interest in food by profession, lawyers rank only a few trades below concert pianists....

— Calvin Trillin

School plays were invented partly to give parents and easy opportunity to demonstrate their priorities.

— Calvin Trillin