A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat washed our car. This was America.

— Ilya Ilf

Clearly it's not all that pacific on the Pacific Ocean

— Ilya Ilf

Investigating Kodak's case might take a long time," said OSAP. "God only knows how long. And since there is no God, nobody knows. We are in a terrible bind.

— Ilya Ilf

There will be no beautiful widow with Persian eyes sitting at your grave. And teary-eyed kids won't be asking: "Papa, papa, can you hear us?

— Ilya Ilf

This (San Francisco) is the most beautiful city in America, Probably because it looks nothing like America

— Ilya Ilf