- ...before I was going to college, my secret plan was to one day not tell anybody and just get on some bus to some random city and just move there and become this totally different person. - Then what? - ...and not come back until I had totally become this person... I used to think about it all the time... - I don't get it... - That's because you don't utterly loathe yourself

— Daniel Clowes

C'mon, let's go in my room and abuse drugs and stuff!

— Daniel Clowes

Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you, but you didn't answer the door. Therefore, you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.

— Daniel Clowes

Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!

— Daniel Clowes

He always accuses me of trying to look'cool', I was like, 'everybody tries to look cool, I just happen to be successful.

— Daniel Clowes

I was a very fearful little kid, and I would always see the worst in everything. The glass was half-empty. I would see people kissing, and I would think one was trying to bite the other.

— Daniel Clowes

Maybe I'm just sick of putting more into this friendship than I get out of it.

— Daniel Clowes

Please allow me the honor of allowing you to bestow upon me a blowjob.

— Daniel Clowes

When I was, like thirteen I thought it would be really cool to be a prostitute... I Thought It was like handsome guys would take you out on these romantic dates and you'd fuck them and then they'd pay you...

— Daniel Clowes

Why aren't you girls out stealing hubcaps or shoplifting like normal children?

— Daniel Clowes