By passing your Gases you prove that you’re not an idiot… But by passing your A-levels you prove that you’re smart

— Ben Mitchell

Hating Britain is a fundamental part of being British

— Ben Mitchell

How fickle is my young male heart as it avidly jumps from love to love

— Ben Mitchell

I hope I can never trust my wife. If I trust her it means I know her. If I know her it means I understand her. If I understand her it means I can control her, and if I can control her it would make her boring and uninteresting… Dear god I hope I can never trust my wife…

— Ben Mitchell

I imagine God creating humans was much like cavemen creating fire… First it sparkles brightly, full of life and beauty. But then it grows, stronger and fiercer until it becomes dangerous and uncontrollable… Then its creator can only stand on the hill and wait for his creation to die.

— Ben Mitchell

I wouldn’t have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best… But for some reason they were hell-bent on teaching me algebra

— Ben Mitchell

Losing your virginity is a lot like when you find out that Santa doesn’t exist… First you’re slightly disappointed, and then you’re happy because you’re in on the secret

— Ben Mitchell

Love is the one thing in this world that you should never have to go through alone… For unreciprocated love is the most soul crushing experience you will ever go through.

— Ben Mitchell

My greatest strength is an unfocused mind. This is because while you are all thinking of one idea, I’m thinking of five different ideas. My greatest weakness however is an unfocused mind. This is because while I’m supposed to be thinking about one thing, I’m actually thinking of five other things.

— Ben Mitchell

My limits know me well enough to stay out of my way.

— Ben Mitchell