Jeff Kinney

On the first day of school, you got to be real careful where you sit. You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk, and the next thing you know the teacher is saying, 'I hope you all like where you're sitting, because these are your permanent seats.'

— Jeff Kinney

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

— Jeff Kinney

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

— Jeff Kinney

There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a perfect book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein. But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids. Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY." That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.

— Jeff Kinney

To come out and meet kids who have my books in their hands is kind of amazing.

— Jeff Kinney

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it

— Jeff Kinney

When I started writing 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid,' I was trying to write the type of book you might enjoy, put back on your shelf, and rediscover a few years later. I hope that the book finds its way into the bathroom of every kid in America.

— Jeff Kinney

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

— Jeff Kinney

You're going to grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!

— Jeff Kinney

Zoo-Wee Mama!

— Jeff Kinney