Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marsh awn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Another Bush in the White House-Yep they keep forgetting to grab the TV and silverware.

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages "Assault and Battery" Weather forecast for the St. Louis Rams next Sunday in Seattle.

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: "Boxing Day" In the UK, the day after Christmas is named after the first activity that takes place between husband and wife after the Christmas receipts are added up.

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Do the aliens on the moon pull down their pants and 'earth' their friends for fun?

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: "New Year" For a kid, the ultimate source of confusion. They say it's a new year, but after the break, you realize you are still in the same class, with the same lousy people.

— Matthew D. Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Nativity" The Son of God was born in a manger-not surprising, have you seen the prices of hotel rooms in Bethlehem? Oy, Day! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannah Peace!

— Matthew D. Heines