No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'funeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "funeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I thought he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir