It should be noted that my mother has a long history of being disturbingly unperturbed by what normal people deem perturbing. Certain things simply don't strike her as worthy of a sit-down.

— Sloane Crosley

Its remarkable the logic we build around a misapprehension.

— Sloane Crosley

It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension.

— Sloane Crosley

It's so clear to me now: the memorizing of a fake prayer, the symbolization of objects, the struggle to relate to the invisible - I needed a religion. I was lost.

— Sloane Crosley

I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot's body.

— Sloane Crosley

I was stunned. I pulled the phone away and looked quizzically at the hole-punched speaker. Aside from the blood obligation to be my sister's maid of honor, it had never occurred to me that I would get asked to be in anyone's wedding. I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are the like the triathlon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It's the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall off their bikes or choke on ocean water. I figured if I valued my life, I'd stay away from weddings, and they'd stay away from me.

— Sloane Crosley

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

— Sloane Crosley

Love is not boastful. But hate? Apparently hate has a big mouth.

— Sloane Crosley

My grandmother was a kind of Scarsdale, New York, society woman, best known in her day as the author of the 1959 book 'Growing Your Own Way: An Informal Guide for Teenagers' - this despite being a person whose parenting style made Joan Crawford's wire hangers look like pool noodles.

— Sloane Crosley

My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics.

— Sloane Crosley