I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. I've to eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo