I believe that if a seven-year-old kid has heard of Naked Lunch and is daring enough to want to read it, he’s old enough to read it.

— John Waters

I could never kill myself. I approve of suicide if you have horrible health. Otherwise, it's the ultimate Missy fit.

— John Waters

If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!

— John Waters

I'm always amazed at friends who say they try to read at night in bed but always end up falling asleep. I have the opposite problem. If a book is good I can't go to sleep, and stay up way past my bedtime, hooked on the writing. Is anything better than waking up after a late-night read and diving right back into the plot before you even get out of bed to brush your teeth?

— John Waters

I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor?

— John Waters

It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

— John Waters

I've had it with being nice, understanding, fair and hopeful. I feel like being negative all day. The chip on my shoulder could sink the QE2. I've got an attitude problem and nobody better get in my way... I'm in a bad mood and the whole stupid little world is going to pay!

— John Waters

Keep up with what's causing chaos in your own field.

— John Waters

Nothing is more impotent than an unread library.

— John Waters

Our assholes will be clean, but we must never wash our hands. Our immune systems will be strengthened by our being dirty. Not filthy. Just mildly grimy. Filthy fingernails have always been a favorite fashion accessory of mine. Especially when you place your hands in the prayer positions. Matter of fact, I urge all my followers to forgo nail polish permanently and replace it with expertly applied soot. The nonexistent gods above will ignore our prayers better this way.

— John Waters