Does it stand, but not straight enough? Is there a bend in the tool? Leaning left like the Marxist-Leninist Party? To the right, like the Jan Sang fascists? Or wobbling mindlessly in the middle, like the Congress Party? Fear not, for it can be straightened! Does it refuse to harden even with rubbing and massage? Then try my ointment, and it will become hard as the government's heart! All your troubles will vanish with this amazing ointment made from the organs of these wild animals! Capable of turning all men into engine-drivers! Punctual as the trains in the Emergency! Back and forth you will shunt with piston power every night! The railways will want to harness your energy! Apply this ointment once a day, and your wife will be proud of you! Apply it twice a day, and she will have to share you with the whole block!

— Rohinton Mistry

Flirting with madness was one thing; when madness started flirting back, it was time to call the whole thing off.

— Rohinton Mistry

… God is a giant quilt maker. With an infinite variety of designs. And the quilt is grown so big and confusing, the pattern is impossible to see, the squares and diamonds and triangles don’t fit well together anymore, it’s all become meaningless. So He has abandoned it.

— Rohinton Mistry

He winced at her efforts to mollify him. Why didn't she say she was disgusted with his behavior, with his long absence, his infrequent superficial letters? And if she did say it - would he defend himself? Would he give reasons, try to explain how meaningless every endeavor seemed to him? No. For then, she would start crying again, he would tell her to stop being silly, she would ask for details, and he would tell her to mind her own business.

— Rohinton Mistry

How starved they seemed for ordinary kindness

— Rohinton Mistry

I almost forgot to tell you - you have the right to remain silent, but if you do, my boys at the station will process your bones to help you confess.

— Rohinton Mistry

... I always took the rearmost seat in the classroom - it gave me a good view of things. And I must confess, the location taught me more about human nature and justice than could be learned from the professors' lectures.

— Rohinton Mistry

I made up three lists: Candidate's Accomplishments (real and imaginary), Accusations Against Opponent (including rumors, allegations, innuendos, and lies), and Empty Promises (the more improbable, the better). Then it was merely a matter of taking various combinations of items from the three lists, throwing in some bombast, tossing in a few local references, and, there it was - a brand-new speech.

— Rohinton Mistry

In those days," continued Ishtar, "it seemed to me that that was all one could expect in life. A harsh road strewn with sharp stones and, if you were lucky, a little grain."" And later?"" Later I discovered there were different types of roads. And a different way of walking on each.

— Rohinton Mistry

Look at that crowd', he said disgustedly. 'They think it's a circus.'' And not a single coin are they donating', said Dina.' That's not surprising. Pity can only be shown in small doses. When so many beggars are in one place, the public goes like this' - he put his fists to his eyes, like binoculars.

— Rohinton Mistry