I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

— Roseanne Barr

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

— Roseanne Barr

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

— Roseanne Barr

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

— Roseanne Barr

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.

— Roseanne Barr

The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I cared the most.

— Roseanne Barr

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.

— Roseanne Barr

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

— Roseanne Barr

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

— Roseanne Barr

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.

— Roseanne Barr