A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

— Robert Benchley

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

— Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

— Robert Benchley

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

— Robert Benchley

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

— Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

— Robert Benchley

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

— Robert Benchley

Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?

— Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have succeeded fairly well.

— Robert Benchley

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

— Robert Benchley