...as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.

— Christopher Moore

As much as I encourage communication with my readers, I don't want reviews from them, simply because I don't need to be hamstrung in the middle of working on something.

— Christopher Moore

Author's Warning If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cuss words as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you.

— Christopher Moore

A woman’s magazine quiz:Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, “Was it good for you?” You:a. Say, “God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life” b. Say, “Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.” c. Put a cert in your navel and say, “That’s for you, Mr. Funnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished

— Christopher Moore

Blessed are the meek, for to them, we shall say "attack".

— Christopher Moore

Blessed with the Beta Male imagination, he spent much of his life squinting into the future so he might spot ways in which the world was conspiring to kill him...

— Christopher Moore

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

— Christopher Moore

But Charlie could imagine, because he was a Beta Male, and imagination was his curse....

— Christopher Moore

But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age."" I thought you liked redheads."" I do. What's your point?

— Christopher Moore

... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?

— Christopher Moore