If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.

— Douglas Coupland

If God drives a car, He'd drive a 1973 Ford LTD Brougham sedan with a claret-colored vinyl roof, with oxblood leather upholstery and an Opera window.

— Douglas Coupland

If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.

— Douglas Coupland

I hate math. It's hard, it's stupid, and it's nature's way of separating spinsters from women who end up breeding.

— Douglas Coupland

I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that they put inside tinned ravioli?

— Douglas Coupland

I'm pro-forwards. Do I want the Seventies to come back? No. The haircuts were terrible. Everyone stank. The food was awful.

— Douglas Coupland

Inasmuch as I am a spiritual man, I do believe in God - I think that He created an order for the world; I believe that, in constantly bombarding Him with requests for miracles, we're also asking that He unravel the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would be a cartoon, not a world.

— Douglas Coupland

In Canada, when we speak of water, we're speaking of ourselves. Canadians are known to be extravagant, and one explanation of this might be that we know that wasted water means a diminished collective soul; polluted waters mean a sickened soul. Water is the basis of our self-identity, and when we dream of canoes and thunderstorms and streams and even snowballs, we're dreaming about our innermost selves.

— Douglas Coupland

In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spell cast. We speak in sentences that end before finishing. We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone. Furthermore, we bump into others and feel bashful at recognizing souls so similar to ourselves.

— Douglas Coupland

Is that all time is - our perception of how quickly it does or does not pass?

— Douglas Coupland