120 million of us place the big bang 2,500 years after the Babylonians and Sumerians learned to brew beer.

— Sam Harris

After a while I got hungry and went to the kitchen. There was nothing to eat. I drank another beer and looked again, and found half a loaf of whole wheat bread behind the beer in the back of the refrigerator...

— Robert B. Parker

A man has no more right to an opinion for which he cannot account than for a glass of beer for which he cannot pay.

— Anonymous

A man who lies about beer makes enemies

— Stephen King

American culture enforces such rigid gender roles for male friendships that they are gay unless they materially resemble a beer commercial.

— Thomm Quackenbush

And even in the open air the stench of whiskey was appalling. To this fiendish poison, I am certain, the greater part of the squalor I saw is due. Many of these vermin were obviously not foreigners—I counted at least five American countenances in which a certain vanished decency half showed through the red whiskey bloating. Then I reflected upon the power of wine, and marveled how self-respecting persons can imbibe such stuff, or permit it to be served upon their tables. It is the deadliest enemy with which humanity is faced. Not all the European wars could produce a tenth of the havoc occasioned among men by the wretched fluid which responsible governments allow to be sold openly. Looking upon that mob of sodden brutes, my mind’s eye pictured a scene of different kind; a table bedecked with spotless linen and glistening silver, surrounded by gentlemen immaculate in evening attire—and in the reddening faces of those gentlemen I could trace the same lines which appeared in full development of the beasts of the crowd. Truly, the effects of liquor are universal, and the shamelessness of man unbounded. How can reform be wrought in the crowd, when supposedly respectable boards groan beneath the goblets of rare old vintages? Is mankind asleep, that its enemy is thus entertained as a bosom friend? But a week or two ago, at a parade held in honor of the returning Rhode Island National Guard, the Chief Executive of this State, Mr. Robert Livingston Beckman, prominent in New York, Newport, and Providence society, appeared in such an intoxicated condition that he could scarce guide his mount, or retain his seat in the saddle, and he is the guardian of the liberties and interests of that Colony carved by the faith, hope, and labor of Roger Williams from the wilderness of savage New-England! I am perhaps an extremist on the subject of prohibition, but I can see no justification whatsoever for the tolerance of such a degrading demon as drink.

— H.P. Lovecraft

And there was this jerk named Dwayne who kept saying, 'Go on, have a beer. You know you want one. One little beer's not going to hurt ya. You haven't had a drink for three years. You can handle it.'" He looked at me again. "You know?" I nodded." Caught me when I was vulnerable. You know, when I was still breathing.

— Bill Bryson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031]

— Benjamin Franklin

Beer's intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.

— Ray Bradbury

Burke used to, whenever he went to the city to catch a Yankees game, throw his money around to every homeless man on the street, feeling it was the right thing to do; except one time he did that, and he got to the stadium and realized he didn’t have enough money for the Bud Light tall boy he always got during the third inning. And in him, he felt an unyielding rise of contempt for the of only hours ago, that he was something and now is something and that they aren’t the same something's. But that the change was Germicidal, and it was just him, this moneyless and beerless man in the bleachers. Man made in God’s image, yet some men are homeless and some are beerless, and there must be this big bearded guy miles and miles in the sky who doesn’t have a home and can’t even catch a buzz.

— A.J. Smith