I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

— Steve Martin

I love money. I love everything about it. Furthermore, I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

— Steve Martin

I love technology, and I love science. It's just always all in the way you use it. So there's no - you can't really blame anything on the technology. It's just the way people use it, and it always has been.

— Steve Martin

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

— Steve Martin

I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner.

— Steve Martin

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life, but it turns out today is.

— Steve Martin

It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

— Steve Martin

I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.

— Steve Martin

I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.

— Steve Martin

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

— Steve Martin