I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I had a dream about you. At first, you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop. 


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, towards the end of the dream, the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating, my eyes shot open, and I realized it was a dream. “Of course it’s a dream,” I thought. “The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered.”


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvis’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?


— Dark Jar Tin Zoo