Always be prepared if someone asks you what you want for Christmas. Give brand names, the store that sells the merchandise, and, if possible, exact model numbers so they can't go wrong. Be the type who's impossible to buy for, so they have to get what you want.

— John Waters

A psychiatrist once told me early in treatment, “Stop trying to make me like you,” and what a sobering and welcome smack in the face that statement was. Yet somehow, every day of my life is still a campaign for popularity, or better yet, a crowded funeral.

— John Waters

Aren't maids the ultimate art critics?

— John Waters

Being a traditionalist, I'm a rabid sucker for Christmas. In July, I'm already worried that there are only 146 shopping days left.

— John Waters

Being rich is not about how much money you have or how many homes you own it's the freedom to buy any book you want without looking at the price and wondering if you can afford it.

— John Waters

Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.

— John Waters

Collect books, even if you don't plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library.

— John Waters

Do we secretly idolize our imagined opposites, yearning to become the role models for others we know we could never be for ourselves?

— John Waters

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.

— John Waters

I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent, but my parents wouldn't let me.

— John Waters