It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

— Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

— Dave Barry

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

— Dave Barry

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

— Dave Barry

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

— Dave Barry

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

— Dave Barry

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

— Dave Barry

I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached after traveling through Japan as well as countless hours reading studying and analyzing this fascinating culture is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.

— Dave Barry

Karimi CERTAM on viral holodnuyu going?" This translates roughly to: "How the hell did these people win the Cold War?

— Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

— Dave Barry