The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

— Jon Stewart

The Westport Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.

— Jon Stewart

Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh, wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot."[Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006]

— Jon Stewart

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive. Those fighting to keep those people out - are.

— Jon Stewart

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*King club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!

— Jon Stewart

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

— Jon Stewart

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

— Jon Stewart

Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the declaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.

— Jon Stewart

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

— Jon Stewart

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain

— Jon Stewart