At my age flowers scare me.

— George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

— George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family ... in another city.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

— George Burns