I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

— Erma Bombeck

Laugh now, cry later.

— Erma Bombeck

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

— Erma Bombeck

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

— Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for go live with a car battery.

— Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

— Erma Bombeck

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

— Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

— Erma Bombeck

My mother phones daily to ask "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no she adds "So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive" . . . And hangs up.

— Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

— Erma Bombeck