Does getting nailed by a werewolf count as bestiality?

— Nicki Elson

Fabrizio? You named it! Okay, this isn’t even close to healthy.

— Nicki Elson

Free drinks have no carbs.

— Nicki Elson

Given his personality, I’d say exorcism makes perfect sense as a favored pastime.

— Nicki Elson

He’d only ever seen her twice, only talked to her once, but as he now gazed upon her, he realized that he’d missed her all day long.

— Nicki Elson

He met each newly exposed piece of flesh with a tender kiss, remembering how he’d dreamed of doing exactly this on the very first night he’d seen her.

— Nicki Elson

He’s so out of my league, we’re not even playing the same sport… He’s professional soccer in Europe, and I’m intramural badminton in the States.

— Nicki Elson

How do you possibly manage to turn talk of an angel into something perverted?

— Nicki Elson

I bring the girl to a museum, try to show her a little culture, and she turns a Chiefly into a giant phallus.

— Nicki Elson

If you’re going to be a dickhead, at least have the courtesy of doing it while I have a drink in my hand, so I can throw it in your face!

— Nicki Elson