I am driven. Being driven is my energy source. It is my fun.… I believe that where there is action, there is movement, and those ripples will eventually produce something positive.

— Joan Rivers

I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can't change what happened.

— Joan Rivers

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

— Joan Rivers

I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.

— Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

— Joan Rivers

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

— Joan Rivers

I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he'd do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl.

— Joan Rivers

I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point.

— Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.

— Joan Rivers

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

— Joan Rivers