Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.

— Joan Rivers

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

— Joan Rivers

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

— Joan Rivers

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe.

— Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit the stores are open late and thanks to television you can shop in bed.

— Joan Rivers

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late, and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

— Joan Rivers

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

— Joan Rivers

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

— Joan Rivers

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

— Joan Rivers

The revelation that personal truth can be the foundation of comedy, that courageousness can be cleansing and healthy…

— Joan Rivers