We represent the true human condition, the one permanent victory over cruelty and chaos. . . . Our true home is the imagination, and our kingdom is the wide-open world.

— Lemony Snicket

What a schmuck!

— Lemony Snicket

What do your parents know, about surviving?

— Lemony Snicket

Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

— Lemony Snicket

When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.

— Lemony Snicket

When you find the sort of people who will show up to give you a ride exactly when they've promised to do so, hold on to them for dear life.

— Lemony Snicket

Why does anyone have a lot of rules? So they can boss people around, I guess.

— Lemony Snicket

Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.

— Lemony Snicket

With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.

— Lemony Snicket

Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.

— Lemony Snicket