Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

— Lemony Snicket

Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know.

— Lemony Snicket

Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, "The world is quiet here," as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.

— Lemony Snicket

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you think you never asked for and don't always like.

— Lemony Snicket

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

— Lemony Snicket

For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

— Lemony Snicket

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.

— Lemony Snicket

Get scared later, and if you're scared now remember what Kit always said. If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. And you want to be brave, don't you, Snicker?

— Lemony Snicket

Grinning is something you do when you are entertained in some way, such as reading a good book or watching someone you don't care for spill orange soda all over themselves.

— Lemony Snicket

He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked.

— Lemony Snicket