But some secrets are so strange and so dangerous that showing them to people makes the strangeness and the danger pour into their lives like a dark, dark ink.

— Lemony Snicket

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.

— Lemony Snicket

But the sad truth is that the truth is sad, and what you want does not matter

— Lemony Snicket

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

— Lemony Snicket

Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?

— Lemony Snicket

Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.

— Lemony Snicket

Deciding whether to trust a person is like deciding whether to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

— Lemony Snicket

Ellington Feint was a line in my mind running right down the middle of my life, separating the formal training of my childhood and the territory of the rest of my days. She was an axis, and at that moment and for many moments afterward, my entire world revolved around her.

— Lemony Snicket

Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.

— Lemony Snicket

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

— Lemony Snicket