As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

— Bill Watterson

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

— Bill Watterson

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

— Bill Watterson

BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!

— Bill Watterson

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

— Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word, and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "FCGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the XS and JS! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.

— Bill Watterson

CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

— Bill Watterson

Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

— Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Calvin: Oh.

— Bill Watterson

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?" Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

— Bill Watterson