A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

— Joan Rivers

…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us. Comedy is power.

— Joan Rivers

Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences.

— Joan Rivers

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

— Joan Rivers

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

— Joan Rivers

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. Furthermore, I hate children on planes. Furthermore, I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

— Joan Rivers

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

— Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

— Joan Rivers

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

— Joan Rivers

He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.

— Joan Rivers