-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

— P.G. Wodehouse

What George was thinking was that the late king Herod had been unjustly blamed for a policy which had been both statesmanlike and in the interests of the public. He was blaming the mawkish sentimentality of the modern legal system which ranks the evisceration and secret burial of small boys as a crime.

— P.G. Wodehouse

What ho!" I said." What ho!" said Motto." What ho! What ho!"" What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

— P.G. Wodehouse

What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?

— P.G. Wodehouse

When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

— P.G. Wodehouse

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

— P.G. Wodehouse

Why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

— P.G. Wodehouse

...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.

— P.G. Wodehouse