Aussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Come on," he said. "Bring the poker." I brought the tongs as well. I felt like it.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Employers are like horses — they require management.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Excuse me, I must go and putt

— P.G. Wodehouse

Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope..."" Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves."" No, sir."" There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't."" Very true, sir.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.

— P.G. Wodehouse

From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.

— P.G. Wodehouse