Girls do go for the finely-chiseled. And apart from his looks, he's an artist, and there's something about artists that seems to act on the other sex like catnip on cats.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Great pals we've always been. In fact there was a time when I had an idea I was in love with Cynthia. However, it blew over. A dashed pretty and lively and attractive girl, mind you, but full of ideals and all that. I may be wronging her, but I have an idea that she's the sort of girl who would want a fellow to carve out a career and what not. I know I've heard her speak favorably of Napoleon. So what with one thing and another the jolly old frenzy sort of petered out, and now we're just pals. I think she's a topper, and she thinks me next door to a Mooney, so everything's nice and matey.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Had his brain been constructed of silk, he would have been hard put to it to find sufficient material to make a canary a pair of camiknickers.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

— P.G. Wodehouse

Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or just coming away from eating an egg? I tell you, the good old egg is the foundation of daily life. Stop the first man you meet in the street and ask him which he’d sooner lose, his egg or his wife, and see what he says!

— P.G. Wodehouse

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

— P.G. Wodehouse

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

— P.G. Wodehouse

He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes."" He's always taking something - generally food.

— P.G. Wodehouse

He was always in a sort of fever because he was dropping behind schedule with his daily acts of kindness. However hard he tried, he'd fall behind; and then you would find him prowling about the house, setting such a clip to try and catch up with himself that Ease by was rapidly becoming a perfect hell for man and beast.

— P.G. Wodehouse

How anybody can compose a story by word of mouth face to face with a bored-looking secretary with a notebook is more than I can imagine. Yet many authors think nothing of saying, 'Ready, Miss Spelling? Take dictation. Quote no comma Sir Jasper Purgatory comma close quotes comma said no better make it hissed Evangeline comma quote I would not marry you if you were the last person on earth period close quotes Quote well comma I'm not, so the point does not arise comma close quotes replied Sir Jasper twirling his mustache cynically period And so the long day wore on period End of chapter.' If I had to do that sort of thing I should be feeling all the time that the girl was saying to herself as she took it down, 'Well comma this beats me period How comma with homes for the feeble minded touting for custom on every side comma has a man like this succeeded in remaining at large mark of interrogation.

— P.G. Wodehouse