Bauvard

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.

— Bauvard

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.

— Bauvard

Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.

— Bauvard

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

— Bauvard

Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.

— Bauvard

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well-endowed.

— Bauvard

I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.

— Bauvard

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

— Bauvard

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

— Bauvard

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.

— Bauvard