Bauvard

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. Furthermore, I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. You suggested splitting the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.

— Bauvard

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

— Bauvard

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

— Bauvard

I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.

— Bauvard

I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.

— Bauvard