Bauvard

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

— Bauvard

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

— Bauvard

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

— Bauvard

I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.

— Bauvard

I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.

— Bauvard

I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.

— Bauvard

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.

— Bauvard

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

— Bauvard

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

— Bauvard

Nightclubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

— Bauvard